Coffee & Common Grounds

I was sitting in my nail salon recently — that little hour of escape where the world slows down just enough for you to breathe — when the owner began sharing something that’s been weighing on her.

She said, “So many women who sit in this chair are in despair. Their marriages are struggling. They’re unhappy. Their husbands are unhappy. And they don’t know what to do.”

It wasn’t said dramatically.
It wasn’t gossip.
It was a concern.
It was mourning.

Because she wasn’t talking about one woman.
She was talking about almost every woman who walks through her door.

And it made me stop and think.

Women today are carrying more than ever: the emotional temperature of their homes, the expectations of culture, the pressure to be strong, independent, and unbothered, the fear of failing as wives, mothers, daughters, employees, friends

And somewhere along the way, the messages aimed at us became louder than the truth within us.

We’ve been told:
“Don’t let a man open a door for you.”
“Strength means you don’t need anyone.”
“Don’t be soft.”
“Don’t submit — that’s weakness.”

And without realizing it, women began to feel:
• less valued
• less supported
• less respected
• less certain of their worth

We’ve been pushed to be everything, do everything, and feel nothing.
And it’s crushing us.

So let’s try to clear this up gently but firmly.

When Scripture talks about wives submitting, it is not talking about:
• being controlled
• being silenced
• being diminished
• being abused
• being treated as less-than

Submission is not about losing your voice.
It’s about knowing who you are so deeply that you can love from a place of strength, not fear.
It’s about mutual honor.
Mutual respect.
Mutual sacrifice.

It’s about a husband loving his wife the way Christ loves the church — which is the most protective, selfless love imaginable.

There is nothing weak about that.

Here’s the revelation that keeps rising in my heart:

You cannot navigate life well if you don’t know who you are.
Not who the world says you are.
Not who your past says you are.
Not who your emotions say you are.
Not who culture pressures you to be.

But who God says you are.
Because when you know that — truly know it — everything shifts.
You stop reacting out of fear.
You stop trying to fix everything.
You stop carrying responsibility that isn’t yours.
You stop believing lies about your worth.
You stop fighting battles God never asked you to fight.

Identity brings peace.
Peace brings clarity.
Clarity brings freedom.

Women often ask, “What do I do? How do I fix my marriage? How do I fix myself?”

But the better question is:
“Lord, who do You say I am?”
Because His voice is always:
•peaceful
• steady
• truthful
• never condemning
• never fear-based

When you hear Him speak identity over you, you begin to see:
• your marriage differently
• your husband differently
• your circumstances differently
• yourself differently

Not because everything around you changed, but because you did.

To the woman who is struggling:
You are not alone.
You are not failing.
You are not invisible.
You are not too far gone.
You are not what culture has labeled you.
You are not what fear whispers in the dark.

You are:
• chosen
• beloved
• capable
• called
• strengthened
• seen
• held
• guided

And you have a Father who delights in telling you who you really are.

When you know that — when you live from that — you can walk through anything with grace, courage, and peace.

If you’re in a hard place right now — in your marriage, your home, your mind, or your emotions — don’t start with fixing.
Start with listening.
Ask God: “Who do You say I am?”
Let Him speak identity over you.
Let Him remind you of your worth.
Let Him restore what the world has tried to strip away.

Because once you know who you are in Him, you will find the freedom, strength, and wisdom to face whatever comes your way.

So wherever you are today — overwhelmed, unsure, hopeful, or somewhere in between — pause long enough to ask Him who you are.

Let His voice be the one that settles your heart.
Let His truth be the one that leads you forward.
You are loved, you are held, and you are never walking alone.